Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work
(And Why They Often Leave You Feeling Worse Than Before)
By the second week of January, something familiar happens.
The gym is quieter.
Planners sit untouched.
The promises you made to yourself start to feel heavy and quietly embarrassing.
If you’re honest, there’s usually a voice that says, “Here we go again. I knew I wouldn’t stick with it.”
But what if the problem isn’t you?
Because statistically, when people abandon New Year’s resolutions early, they aren’t failing. They’re doing exactly what most humans do and there’s a reason for that.
The Resolution Drop-Off Happens Fast
Research shows that New Year’s resolutions don’t fade slowly. They collapse quickly.
- About 23% of people quit within the first week of January
- January 12, often called Quitter’s Day, marks the point when up to 80% of people have already given up, especially on health-related goals
- By the end of January, roughly 43% abandon their resolutions entirely
Long-term follow-through is even lower. Only 8–9% of people actually stick with their New Year’s resolutions.
Let that sink in for a minute
When over 90% of people “fail” at the same thing, willpower isn’t the issue.
The system is.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work
1. Most Resolutions Are Rooted in Self-Rejection
Most resolutions begin with an unspoken belief: something about me needs fixing.
Lose the weight
Be less emotional
Get more disciplined
Stop being so tired
However, when change starts from shame or dissatisfaction, your nervous system doesn’t hear motivation. It hears threat. As a result, your body seeks comfort, not growth.
This isn’t a mindset issue.
It’s biology.
2. They Ignore the Reality of Midlife
New Year’s resolutions assume unlimited energy, stable hormones, and a relatively simple life with ample time to ADD new things to the daily routine.
That’s not reality for many women in midlife.
If you’re navigating:
- perimenopause or menopause
- caring for aging parents
- parenting adult children
- identity shifts, grief, or major life transitions
then rigid, all-or-nothing goals don’t support you. They quietly work against you.
Your body has changed. Your capacity has changed.
Expecting yourself to operate like you did at 25 is not motivation, it’s self-betrayal.
3. Resolutions Focus on Behavior, Not Identity
Most resolutions target behavior:
“I’ll work out five days a week.”
“I’ll stop eating sugar.”
“I’ll be more productive.”
However, behavior that isn’t anchored to identity rarely lasts.
If you still see yourself as exhausted, inconsistent, or “bad at follow-through,” your actions will eventually realign with that belief regardless of how motivated you felt on January 1st.
Change sticks when identity shifts
4. They Rely on Motivation Instead of Safety
Motivation is unreliable, especially during hormonal changes, chronic stress, or emotional overload.
What actually supports consistency is safety:
- safety in your body
- safety in your pace
- safety in being imperfect
When your nervous system feels safe, follow-through becomes possible. When it doesn’t, even the best plan feels impossible to maintain.
Most New Year’s resolutions never account for this.
5. “Failure” Erodes Self-Trust
Every abandoned resolution leaves a mark.
“I never stick with anything.”
“I always quit.”
“I can’t trust myself.”
Over time, resolutions don’t inspire change. Instead, they reinforce the very beliefs you’re trying to outgrow.
This is what makes them self-defeating.
A Better Question Than “What Should I Fix This Year?”
Instead of asking, “What do I need to change about myself?” try asking:
- What do I need to feel supported in this season of life?
- What pace actually works for my body and energy level right now?
- Who am I becoming as old roles fall away?
Real transformation rarely starts with grand declarations. Instead, it begins with small acts of self-respect, repeated consistently over time.
Not resolutions.
Not punishment.
Not all-or-nothing promises.
Just honest steps that honor the woman you are now
A Different Kind of New Beginning
If New Year’s resolutions leave you feeling defeated year after year, that’s not a personal failure.
It’s a signal that you’re ready for a different approach … one that works with your body, not against it.
That’s why One Choice at a Time exists.
One Choice at a Time
A 6-Week Practice of Showing Up for Yourself
This isn’t a resolution.
It’s a return.
Inside The Grown Girls Table, this 6-week guided practice helps you:
- show up for yourself in just five minutes a day
- gently support your nervous system instead of overriding it
- rebuild self-trust through small, doable choices one at a time
No overhauls.
No all-or-nothing rules.
No pressure to become someone else.
Just steady, compassionate momentum, one choice at a time.
👉 Join One Choice at a Time inside The Grown Girls Table: A free Skool community specifically for Gen X women struggling with all the midlife baggage
Click the link below to join the community
https://www.skool.com/the-grown-girls-table-7211/about?ref=0b36f11292f743a09157233174b142ab
One Choice at a Time: 6-week Practice in Showing Up for Yourself (Begins January 15)