Midlife Transformation: Why Menopause Is Only the Beginning of “The Change”
For many Gen X women, menopause doesn’t feel like an ending, but rather the moment everything quietly falls apart. Roles shift, identities unravel, and life starts asking questions no one prepared us for. This is the stuff no one warned us about. This is the story of what “the change” really means and why midlife transformation begins long after the hot flashes fade.
The Change
When I was younger I used to hear my grandmother, my mom, my aunts, etc talk about other women “going through the change”. If a woman of a certain age was being bitchy, irritable, uncooperative, or viewed as no longer fulfilling her responsibilities as a wife/mother/friend, “she must be going through the change”.
Traditionally, I believed this referred to menopause. The hormonal transition marking the end of a woman’s child bearing years. Literally, I grew up thinking “the change” just meant you no longer had periods and were no longer able to get pregnant. As someone who preferred to avoid both those things, I was kinda looking forward to it. Then I hit that phase of life and realized it was far more than that.
I went through menopause in my early forties and was pretty much done by the time I was 45. It overlapped a life-altering battle with my thyroid; and between the two, I was a complete train wreck for almost three years.
What I began to realize afterwards was that “the change” is not just hormonal, not just physical. It’s not over when you stop menstruating, or when the hot flashes and night sweats subside.
Menopause Isn’t The End … It’s Actually The Beginning
Menopause is only the beginning of “THE CHANGE” because everything changes. Life changes. You change, and so does everyone around you.
Kids grow up and go off to live their lives.
Parents age, become ill, and one day roles are reversed. It’s you caring for them, providing for their every need.
Then one day they’re gone. They’re all gone and you’re standing there alone in a silent house staring at the aftermath left in wake of a life that no longer exists.
When Everyone Else Is Gone and You’re The Last Woman Standing
Now it’s just you, left to sort through decades of life that’s been stored away in boxes, in the closet, the attic, the basement, and the garage. Collections of family photos, mementoes, and memorabilia all with sentimental significance … but your mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion combined with your grief makes it look like mountains of crap and clutter. It makes you angry.
Then you see something in the mess that brings back a warm memory… a photo, an old ticket stub, a note in your mom’s handwriting … the guilt sets in.
How could you possibly consider tossing all this in a dumpster or selling it at a yard sale? Maybe you should keep it all?
But you can’t. You have nowhere to go with it.
But you can’t just get rid of all of it. Can you?
It is the worst emotional roller coaster at a time when you are least equipped to deal with it.
Somehow (over time) you find a way to deal with it all because that’s what we do. We take care of it. We handle it. We just do it and keep moving.
Finally, one day it’s all been dealt with … everything and everyone is gone. Now what?
There’s no immediate demands, no crisis, no critical needs of others that need to be met. Now what? What’s next?
What are you going to do now?
What is this phase of life going to look like? How do you want it to look?
This Is Where Midlife Transformation Actually Begins
THIS is when “THE REAL CHANGE” actually begins.
This is when what is now called “midlife transformation” begins. It’s a fluffy pretty 2020’s term for “the change”, but it is what it is.
Yes, it’s scary at first; but once you get the hang of it, it’s a pretty cool ride!
Some friends of mine and I are taking the ride together. It keeps things interesting. lol
If you’re in the midst of your own midlife transformation, or any of the phases I mentioned, or will be in the near future, I invite you to follow my blog and join my free Skool community, The Grown Girls Table. It’s the newest best kept secret for Gen X women struggling with the weight of the midlife stack.
We will be diving into all things midlife from a perspective of experience and friendly support. Be warned though, a sense of humor is mandatory.
So if you’re looking for a nonjudgmental safe place to say all the things out loud and a group of women who get it because we’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and burned it, you’ve found the right place! Most of us are still “going through the change” because as you will find, it’s an ongoing process; and, we invite you to come along for the ride, so …
Pull up a chair at The Grown Girls Table. We’re here when you need us 💖
Just follow this link
https://www.skool.com/the-grown-girls-table-7211/about?ref=0b36f11292f743a09157233174b142ab